Author Topic: From the Inbox  (Read 31949 times)

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noquiexis

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From the Inbox
« on: November 19, 2011, 06:37:43 PM »
     These are jokes, stories, and observation that have come from my inbox. I hope you like them!

Smart Ass Answers
SMART ASS ANSWER #6

     It was mealtime during an airline flight..
     'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front..
     'What are my choices?' John asked.
     'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5

     A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

     A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #3

     The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART ASS ANSWER #2

     A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

     Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'


SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 
 
     A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

     A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

     The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'


Women over 50!
attributed to Andy Rooney

     In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 50.
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

     â€œAs I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

     A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night & ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

     If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She goes and does something she wants to do, & it's usually more interesting.

     Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

     Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

     Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

     Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

     Older women are forthright and honest.. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

     Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

     For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

     Andy Rooney was a really smart guy!


Quotes from: The Relic]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120004/]The Relic

Medical examiner to detective during autopsy of decapitated body:
Dr. Zwiezic: Seven decapitations in one week. Don't you just hate killers, who take head and never give it?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: You're bad, Matilda.


Margo Green: Using superstition to bring people to the museum is like hiring topless ushers for the Bolshoi Ballet.
Dr. Whitney Frock: Well if they did, I might go to the Ballet.

"Like a bolt out of the blue
 Fate steps in and sees you through
 When you wish upon a star
 Your dreams come true"

   Cliff Edwards as Jiminy Cricket (1940)

Trixie and Dixie are Private Secretary inflatable dolls.
Esperanza is a Tera Patrick inflatable doll.
see my gallery for their pictures

Feodora is an Anatomical Doll, Face 3 Body 3 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4

happiness

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2011, 07:31:15 PM »
 ;D I'll be retelling some of these Noq! Very funny! And I remember those line from The Relic.  ^-^
I've never met a Doll I didn't like!!!

roustabout

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2011, 06:16:05 AM »
very funny stuff Noq. You had us rolling.  :laugh:
Stacy is a Realdoll body 7 face 2.

noquiexis

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2011, 12:31:59 AM »
     I hope this plays in England so that Everhard can see it!

TGI Fridays Bar in Manchester, England
http://file.qip.ru/embed/111226964/dfc05946

8) ;) 8)
"Like a bolt out of the blue
 Fate steps in and sees you through
 When you wish upon a star
 Your dreams come true"

   Cliff Edwards as Jiminy Cricket (1940)

Trixie and Dixie are Private Secretary inflatable dolls.
Esperanza is a Tera Patrick inflatable doll.
see my gallery for their pictures

Feodora is an Anatomical Doll, Face 3 Body 3 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4

wossisname

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2011, 07:16:18 AM »
Yep, it plays fine in England
Good stuff, but I don't think I'll be going to Manchester to see the live show.

happiness

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2011, 02:49:11 PM »
 :o Now there's a place to go and have a drink!!!  :D
I've never met a Doll I didn't like!!!

noquiexis

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2012, 10:33:51 AM »
Brain Study....

     Wow! It took me a few seconds, but then I got the hang of it. I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind. If English is not your primary language, it may be harder to read.

F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?

7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.

 8) ;D 8)
"Like a bolt out of the blue
 Fate steps in and sees you through
 When you wish upon a star
 Your dreams come true"

   Cliff Edwards as Jiminy Cricket (1940)

Trixie and Dixie are Private Secretary inflatable dolls.
Esperanza is a Tera Patrick inflatable doll.
see my gallery for their pictures

Feodora is an Anatomical Doll, Face 3 Body 3 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4

Ceej

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2012, 08:20:28 AM »
Holy Crap!!! I've seen this before as you say with just the letteres scrambled, with the exception of the first and last of each word. the explanation for that was so long as the outside letters of each word were intact you can still read it because you have learned to recongnize words by their overal size. but this example blows that theory out of the water.
"Leaving it to the imagination" is highly overrated.




Sandy is a B6 F1 Realdoll. In addition she has several F1 expression faces as well as standard F10 and f11 faces. She also has several sets of reuseable "Real Breast" prosthetic breasts.

Eva Kumiko

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2012, 01:19:51 PM »
Be proud! Only certain people can read this.
So you think you have performed something very difficult.
You haven't. No scrambling. Only exchanging, and in an easy way.
0 = O
1 = I
3 = E
4 = A
5 = S
7 = T
The rest isn't exchanged at all.
Ich bin von Kopf bis Fuss auf Liebe eingestellt.
1930, Friedrich Hollaender

belshanar

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2012, 07:08:18 PM »
..... when everyone can read 1337, no one is 1337. ::sigh:: It used to mean something.

And that usually meant that you desperately need to get laid.
Dude! Look out for that.......    tree.  That had to hurt.

Sophia - Miss Feb Boy Toy+; Amberly - Lovable Doll B2 (Yvette head) shares a body with Kara (Alicia Head); Ginger -  Sinthetics B1H+ (Celeste Head); Ki - Sinthetics B2D (Alicia head). These two Sinthetics dolls also share Emma (Celeste head), Danielle (Tawney head), Yuki (Kimiko head) and Freja (Willow head) between themselves; Esmeralda - RD Hybrid Samantha Saint Body+++ (Jessica Drake head); Unnamed Passion Doll 163cm with unnamed Penelope and Bambi heads.

B-Zilla

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #10 on: February 09, 2012, 05:03:40 AM »
At first glance I thought it would be tough, but 2 lines in and I was breezing through. It really is amazing how the human mind works. Cool post.

noquiexis

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2012, 09:30:26 AM »
Catholic Coffee Morning in Rome

      Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square . The first Catholic man tells his friends,
     "My son is a  priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."  The second Catholic man chirps,
     "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."  The third Catholic gent says,
     "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room, everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."  The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,
     "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle,
     "Well....?" She proudly replies,
     "I have a daughter. She is slim and tall, with 40 DD breasts, a 24 inch waist, and 34 inch hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God!"


"Like a bolt out of the blue
 Fate steps in and sees you through
 When you wish upon a star
 Your dreams come true"

   Cliff Edwards as Jiminy Cricket (1940)

Trixie and Dixie are Private Secretary inflatable dolls.
Esperanza is a Tera Patrick inflatable doll.
see my gallery for their pictures

Feodora is an Anatomical Doll, Face 3 Body 3 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4

noquiexis

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2012, 08:14:49 PM »
     You just never know what might happen next time you go out for a quiet cup of coffee!


"Like a bolt out of the blue
 Fate steps in and sees you through
 When you wish upon a star
 Your dreams come true"

   Cliff Edwards as Jiminy Cricket (1940)

Trixie and Dixie are Private Secretary inflatable dolls.
Esperanza is a Tera Patrick inflatable doll.
see my gallery for their pictures

Feodora is an Anatomical Doll, Face 3 Body 3 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4

noquiexis

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #13 on: May 07, 2012, 10:22:41 AM »
     I would hate to work this hard to have a glass of wine.

A Glass of Red (video)
Annabel Carberry
http://biggeekdad.com/2012/02/a-glass-of-red/

 ;D ;D ;D
"Like a bolt out of the blue
 Fate steps in and sees you through
 When you wish upon a star
 Your dreams come true"

   Cliff Edwards as Jiminy Cricket (1940)

Trixie and Dixie are Private Secretary inflatable dolls.
Esperanza is a Tera Patrick inflatable doll.
see my gallery for their pictures

Feodora is an Anatomical Doll, Face 3 Body 3 Set 2 Set 3 Set 4

happiness

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Re: From the Inbox
« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2012, 02:49:52 PM »
Thank you, Noq! I loved both of those videos! The coffee shop drama is hilarious! And Annabel with her hoops is very endearing!
You added a smile to my day. Thank you so much for sharing those!  :-*  ^-^
I've never met a Doll I didn't like!!!